Reflections

The date in my journal reads October 31, 2010. It was on this day that I intended to carry myself to the internet cafe and post an entry reflecting upon my time lived at the ashram. But my thoughts arrived only as far as a pocket-sized, spiral-bound notebook. Words fill the college-ruled lines to the brim: splattering over the edge like childhood's spiral-paint creations. Red morning, blue wind, green rice fields and orange marigolds vie for recognition as the days pass with pages left uncrinkled. A quiet afternoon leads cold winter hands to finger the pen-and-ink moments left to simmer on the shelf. Too little time has passed for the gathering of dust; just enough time gone for words to marinate in the flavor of homecoming's gratitude. Grateful for journeying out; grateful for arriving home; grateful for the opportunity to share soft moments of reflection.

October 31, 2010

I kneel at the edge of the reflecting pool and dare to look into glass water. My eyes, two green-as-grass luminous orbs cradled in blue. My lips, a watermelon crescent-moon that personifies happiness. My cheek bones, sure and steady and sharp like an eagle's laser-vision and a ballerina's poise. My hairline, the ocean shore reaching out and up like dawn's light on morning waves.

I see myself alive and blooming as tender grass, watermelon juice, the dawn-tide and a jubilant pirouette. I am always new and evolving, yet closer to my nature -- the essence born of my mother's womb. The path of yoga helps one learn the importance of cultivating a positive and compassionate relationship with self. By learning to fan the flames of one's inner light, she is able to share the cartwheeling sparks and fireflies with the world. So goes the saying: "one must love oneself before she is able to love anyone else." Perhaps I did not understand this as a zealous youth determined to be a martyr in order to show my worth. Now, in the quiet of morning meditation, understanding rises up from the depths of my soul like the gentle laughter of a mountain spring. "So glad you finally noticed me," my soul giggles.

And so, love flows from a vessel that receives rain and sunlight with open arms and sings cascades of plenty over its edges and out into the world. How to share of a cup that is empty? Love not from the shallow-depths of insecurity and fear or from the scraping sound of emptiness; share love from overflow and abundance and light-spilling over the soft contours of the soul.

The teachings of Yogi Vishvketu-ji are characterized by joy and bliss. During the practice, we are mindful to always be aware of the breath - the life-force energy that moves gracefully in and out through the nostrils, feeding our lungs and blood and vital organs with nourishment from the Ganges winds. Healing energy is everywhere and always available to us -- nurturing oxygen, sound, light, relationships, stillness, flowing movement, beauty. We must allow our minds to expand as endless as the ocean so that we might re-think of food not only as fruits and grains and tastes that touch the tongue. What about tastes that touch the soul? The heart? The nerves from toes to crown? We feed through our five sense and through what is beyond sensory perception -- our connection to the Ocean of Consciousness. The Ocean of Divinity. The Ocean of Life-force energy that reverberates in each and every one of us. The macrocosm in every microcosm (the entire universe in a single grain of sand). The microcosm in the macrocosm (I am a part of all that I see).

"Respect yourself," says Yogi Vishvaji. "Smile to yourself as you inhale one deep breath of gratitude. Yoga is Being who you Are. Union. Ceasing to swim against the current; ceasing to doubt the rocks that seem to obstruct the river's flow. Obstacles only come into existence when we grant obstructions the power to dissolve our confidence. We are born with an inner resilience and goodness that wants to shine forth. Yet, so many times, we run from the light, because darkness is more anonymous and easier, perhaps. Yoga is opening to inner goodness and with dedication, cultivating that goodness in each moment of every day: thought, word and deed."

I realize it is quite impossible for me to recount a story of the past month in the ashram without delving into the spirals and swirls of the internal journey. The dance of blood cell and tissues reconfiguring; the spark of new synapses forming. The past month has been about dedication, faith, energy, courage (fearlessness), support, growth, friendship, new experiences, and embracing each new day as it comes. I feel honored to learn in the presence of a teacher who embodies the yogic teachings in his every word, thought, action, smile. Moving into Bliss with Yoga is the title that Vishvaji chooses for the trainings he offers. The perfect title for the course. Through breathing and stillness, stretching and deepening, expanding and contracting, strengthening and surrendering, flowing and cultivating subtle awareness, laughing and crying - through experiencing Union in myriad ways, we move into Bliss with Yoga.

At the beginning of the course, the training group sat down together and wrote out our intentions. Intention-setting, or Sankalpa shakti, is an integral part to the practice of Yoga. What do we hope to receive from the time at Anand Prakash Ashram? What do we hope to offer? I wrote:

I open myself to learning a wholesome combination of tools -- the practicality of anatomy and class-sequencing and the spirituality of mediation and philosophy -- that will allow me to share the teachings with courage and humility.

I open-heartedly offer enthusiasm, joy, playfulness and smiles.


I smile as I re-read the worlds I wrote one month ago. As if fingering the beanstalk's magic beans -- seeds sown in fertile soil and encouraged heavenward by light and water. The seeds are sprouting beautifully, with strong roots and wing-like leaves spreading wide and happy. Open-hearted and fearless, emerging through earth's surface with great enthusiasm: a trumpet's song, honeysuckle's sweetness, a bumblebee's generosity. Even if there is a troll waiting in the heavens at the top of the beanstalk ladder, my heart will not shy away from the challenge. One breath at a time, one smile at a time, one openhearted ounce of faith at a time, we learn to see challenges as blessings.

I have learned both practical and spiritual tools that will help me to begin the journey of sharing the yogic teachings with courage and humility. This is the beauty of Yoga: it is a spiritual practice and a lifestyle; it is not a religion based on particular names of gods and holy places. Yoga is not an exclusive path that says "this way to heaven," all other roads to the flames. One Truth, Many Paths. What is that Truth? Love. Union. Kindness. Connection. Yoga is a science of living. And by science, I mean art as well. Art and science are interchangeable in this context. Both are words that imply craftsmanship, care, diligence, dedication and an ounce of belief-yolk, an ounce of faith. (How can we be dedicated if we do not have faith?) A practitioner of any religion can embrace the practice of yoga -- pragmatic tools for cultivating awareness, balance, strength and peace through the integration of body, mind and spirit. Through the recognition of Oneness with all and the dedication of seeing the Divine in all living things. Or ... if the word "Divine" is uncomfortable because it is too similar to "God," we could simply say: feeling reverence and love for all. Recognizing the macrocosm in the microcosm: To see the whole world in a single grain of sand ...

Under the guidance of Yogi Vishvketu-ji, my practice has deepened and expanded awesomely. Through breathwork, physical postures, chanting, meditation, concentration and the study of philosophy (and, moreover, the application and practice of the teachings in day to day life), the seeds of goodness and possibility in me are watered daily with the most nourishing foods. Moreover, the dedication, joy, enthusiasm and inspiration I feel cartwheel and dance and affirm each moment anew that I am committed to being who I am and sharing the best of me with the world generously and fearlessly. Practically, the experience of myriad practices and approaches to purifying mind, body and spirit encourages growth and awareness and offers tools for sharing the teachings with all who wish to learn. (Many paths, one Truth.) Spiritually -- dedication, faith, energy, enthusiasm, joy, a teacher who guides me with love and encourages me to look inside, listen to the inner voice and discover the glow that has been there all along.

I express my abundant gratitude for the life-changing experience of waking before dawn on the banks of the Ganges during a month of inspiring and transformational practice. I celebrate the enthusiasm I feel for what is to come: consciously sowing fertile seeds, weaving colorful threads into vibrant tapestries, and approaching each moment of life with a craftsman's attention and care. Now is a marked moment. The beginning of the rest of my life. I am committed to the yogic path: fully embracing the practice as a guide to discovering my best self and learning how to share the sparks and glow with the whole world. Each and every moment (each thought, word and action), is powerful. I am now a certified yoga teacher and able to begin the lifetime journey of teaching and learning and growing. I am dedicated to the yoga family; I am dedicated to embodying hope and hard work in a journey inspired by an intention of multiplying goodness and well-being everywhere. I am full of love and full of zeal. We are the one's we've been waiting for. We are the ones who are delivering ourselves from the complexities we have created; step by step, we are becoming the change we wish to see in the world.

This is what I have been doing for the last month. Not just simple, vegetarian meals and pre-dawn yoga classes. I will be digesting the course and continuing to learn for months to come. I express my deepest gratitude for the blessings the journey through India (and through my soul) has bestowed upon my life. For not a single moment will I forget the gift of continual opportunities for growth and expansion.

Om shanti, shanti, shanti
Peace everywhere and all around